To Begin Again… Again… and Again…

Hello again.. again… again…

I have been encouraged by a friend to start up this blog again.  I have also become involved with a writer’s group who wishes to publish another anthology, and I would like to support them and contribute.  I have also, after twenty four years of travelling, half my life, I have moved back to my home town, where I was born and gained an education and I know the resources.  I am beginning a major animation/film project.  To that end I have had a light table built and am upgrading my computer to begin.  To tell the truth I don’t know where any of this starts or finishes.

I have been writing this to some and that to others.  Selectively.  A person at a time, a small group at a time.  But I do know that writing requires honesty, you have to strip yourself naked and show yourself to all equally.  That’s dangerous, because droves of people may say, “I don’t like that person.  I can’t relate,” and any tiny audience I may have had will leave me.

Worse still they may judge me.  They may see that I am not perfect.  Worst still, none of this may make any difference and I may continue to be ignored.

So I will be honest about my beliefs, spiritual and otherwise.  My spiritual life has become a strength and a confusion.  It turns reality into a metaphor, metaphor into reality, and it provides answers and generates questions.  I have found my answers in a place where I, perhaps, am not welcome.  But then, I have not felt welcome anywhere.  I am comfortable as an outsider.  Woody Allen once said “I would never join a club which would have me as a member.”  That’s kind of like how I feel.  And the seperateness is, in some ways, a security in that it means I am not bound by responsibilities I am afraid I cannot meet.  More on that later, maybe.

I will share my hopes, fears, strengths, weaknesses…  I will outline my projects, my successes and failures, and my hopes for future projects.  I will beg for aid unashamedly where and when needed from whatever sources are available to me.  My personal life will be an open book.

And we will all see what happens.  I suppose I am looking for a connection with people, a similarity.  It worries me that there may be no connection.  To tell the truth, this all frightens me.  But we have nothing of value unless we are honest about ourselves, no matter where that honesty leads us.

Next time, let’s begin with my divorce, maybe, or my project, or my beliefs… and I’ll see if any of that takes us somewhere interesting.  I may do something scary and take requests about what other people want to hear.

Peace and love,

Paul

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