I saw a wonderful movie today all about darkness. And it touched me, because I saw myself in the darkness. I have been to the edge of oblivion again and again, been nearly alone and nearly homeless, been to the edge of despair and desperation and sometimes I have crossed over that edge into terrifying places I thought I would never return from. But I have returned. And I am riding through that darkness right here and now looking for that Light, and let us hope that at the end of this we can both see the Light.
It takes a strong person to have been to hell and back, and despite what Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche says, sometimes we are not made stronger and sometimes we don’t survive. That is why we have to make a conscious choice to live and engage with life every day. I know people who have been through hells far worse than I, people who are far stronger than I, and I don’t envy them.
Because I will tell you a secret, and it isn’t really a secret. Even though I am in darkness or you are in darkness Light still exists. And the Light is inside us. We are the flashlights into oblivion meant to raise creation. The end of all flesh enjoys drama is all: excitement drama war… Give the devil his due, so the saying goes, a small piece just to acknowledge his presence. Just don’t get lost in it. G-d divided the Light from the darkness, and shadow adds definition and colour. Pain exists. And there are pathways out of pain which lead to Joy.
So the metaphor says that we are possessed by demons of darkness or we receive aid from angels of light. The metaphor says that we draw pathways through characteristics in a tree or ladder which mirrors us. I have read from certain individuals who are deeply into this stuff that if you take everything literally you are a fool. G-d cannot be described or contained within a diagram. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov says that some people should not deal with the mystical stuff. Some people have to be grounded in action.
I don’t know what kind of person I am. I do know that I have read a little bit and some of what I have read has given me comfort and peace. I do know that I need to be grounded in action. We all do. I know I will be here tomorrow if I have any choice in the matter. Tomorrows are for making things better, as Rabbi Nachman says.
Look, it doesn’t matter how miserable you are. It doesn’t matter what you have lost. Where there is life there is light. You can help yourself. You can help others. You can let others help you so that you will both be raised. It is a blessing, not a shame, to allow someone to help you, because you help save the person who helps you. Learn to take and say thank you and in being raised raise the world.
So now I am feeling better, and I remember reading in the Zohar that each time you create a word you create a world. The worlds of creation and imagination are closely linked. But that’s all metaphor.
The reality is: I have a friend coming over tomorrow and I will help him feel better and he will help me feel better. And if he does not show up, which is very possible, someday I will seek him out and chastise him a bit and take him out for coffee. And the next day I share a pumpkin I have carved with someone. And on Wednesday I go to my writing group.
And that reminds me. I shared a negative blog that I had written in 2012 with a friend and he wanted me to write a more positive blog because it might make me happier. But I think everything is Light framed in darkness or could be if looked at in the right way. However, this blog has a bit more Light and I will share this with him.
I am happier.
Peace and Love
The Mary Ellen Carter, a song by Stan Rogers is so full of Joy and Hope rising out of Despair and Darkness that it will fill your heart so full it will bring tears to your eyes: