Single Male Not Quite Looking For A Relationship… Yet

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I AM magnificent.

I just had coffee with a friend and I danced all the way home and then, coming into my building, I flirted a bit with my landlady.  Nothing serious that would lead anywhere.  Just a grin, a smile, and I said she had beautiful hair.  Which she does.  And she chatted a bit about her grey hair and I said “No you don’t!”.  I think I even called her “Babe” at some point.  And we talked a bit about those poor insecure men who shave their heads to hide the fact they are going bald.  But I don’t have that problem.  I’m COVERED with magnificent hair!  And she felt good and I felt good.  And I came home and wrote this blog.

Yeah, sure, I am odd and poor and confused and other stuff but I am also wonderful.  I’ve got problems I don’t understand and have no control over.  (Control is an illusion anyway.)  But I don’t have to list all my good points and I don’t have to list all my bad points, not for me and certainly not for you.  I am certainly magnificent!

And so are all my friends and everyone I know has the potential of being.  Just BEING!  You are magnificent, too.  You just have to find that light at your centre.

As soon as I came home I revisited a blog YEAH, COMPASSION IS HARD.  “Yeah, compassion is hard because we have to look hard at ourselves as well as the person across from us (who is homeless and lonely and inappropriate) and realize that, at a human and a spiritual level, we are both the same person.”  But, I was just being sarcastic/ironic.  IT’S NOT HARD AT ALL.  It’s not hard to see through the horrible bits of other people and see their magnificence if you can come to terms with the horrible bits of yourself and see the magnificence in yourself.  That’s compassion!  That’s what Hillel said: “Do not do to others that which you find hurtful to yourself.”  Because if you hate being spit at and laughed at you will not spit and laugh at others.  Because since you feel the pain in yourself to see it in others would cause you pain as well.  Because you are the same as the person across from you.  You cannot cause pain if you truly understand pain.

But enough of philosophy!!!!

A year ago I had a nervous breakdown when my wife divorced me.  I was a mess and certainly not ready for a male/female relationship.  But, you know, people need people.

One of my problems – my big big problem – is I look like bit like an Chassidic Jew – hat, suit, beard, ethical code of behaviour.  There is nothing wrong with looking like an Chassidic Jew if you are one, but I’m not one.  I mean, I believe and I practice but I am not part of the “community”.  Which kind of puts me in the middle of nowhere when looking for a relationship.  But that’s not really a problem.  I have always been an outsider and I am comfortable with that.  That’s just something else to come to terms with.  If I was really looking for a relationship I would be really looking.  In terms of a male/female relationship right now, well, Groucho Marx (or was it Woody Allen?) said “I would not join a club which would have me as a member.”  I figure any woman who would want me as a partner, as messed up as I am, must be pretty messed up herself.

But, you know, I’m getting there slowly.  My apartment is nice.  I can build shelves.  I have a herb garden on my balcony.  I’m working out now.  That cheeky grin is coming more naturally now.  If I keep flirting someday they might start flirting back.  Who knows?

Peace and Love.

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