Living in a Fish Bowl

Strange Island

fishbowl

October 5th, 2011

I feel like I am living in a fish bowl. I wake at night in a sweat fearing my most intimate and embarrassing secrets are known, or that I have done something irredeemable I cannot come back from. I feel like my world is coming apart, that the slightest mistake will cause it to unravel. I feel I must try to be perfect.

But why be perfect? How can anyone be perfect?

The feeling is angst.  A general feeling of unidentifiable dread and desperation that people get from living in modern society.  But I worry about past failures, past confrontations.  I have tagged myself because I was hit by a car when I was five.   And I will always blame myself, blame that on my past failures.  I must, in my own mind, be perfect to overcome my deficits.   Yet I can’t be perfect.  I…

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