Notes on “The Project”

sparkling-waters-at-midnight-deborah-crew-johnson

I keep editing the last little essay called The Project.  It’s all about Tikkun Olam, Healing the Universe, which is, of course a metaphor for healing myself.  Is the universe responsible for my pain?  Yes.  Am I responsible for the pain of the universe?  Yes.  And is bringing Kindness and Joy also part of that responsibility?  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

We are all intimately connected, me and the rest of the universe.  The more separate we are the more intimate the connection becomes, because we are all alone, and that is what connects us.  In fact, there is no “me” and no “universe”.  There is no “us” and “them”.  “Us” and “them” is only an illusion of time and space.

We are all Adam, cast out of of Eden, standing in a river outside the gates of Paradise, tears pouring down my face, pleading for the connection to G-d I once had.  G-d used to walk with me every day and now I am a broken, shattered being, cracked and smashed and beaten to dust by time and space.

“Forgive me.  Forgive me.  Forgive me.”

I am screaming at myself now, at some tiny spark deep inside me that holds the power of the Infinite, and I can no longer see it, because I took this burden on by free choice, the pain and joy of discovering the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  I am Adam, and I have jumped head first into the dark cold waters of Darkness to find the Light within even this.

But maybe it was for the best.  I stand in the dark waters, entropy roaring around my waist, a broken imperfect vessel for the Light.   I am without the power to see the Divine within me.  I await death now.

I no longer have the eyes to see G-d and all I can hear is the roaring river.  Yet I look around the black waters in which I stand.  They are sparkling now.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s