I keep a notebook by my bed and following are a couple writings after midnight. I put these thoughts here with further contemplation, and, you know, all of life becomes a meditation, a contemplation, trying to understand life and G-d and Treasures and what relationships with others truly mean in that context. G-d may take our soul onto Himself when we sleep and return it to us when we awaken, as the prayer Modeh Ani says, but life is still here and now and we can still ascend and find answers every day.
I pick the above image of the fellow praying outside because this is how I have come to understand things. As I precede the text with a picture so the picture qualifies the text. And Chesed and loving-kindness and when Hillel said “Do No Harm is the heart of The Law, now go and study” also precede this text.
If I say one thing and it seems confusing, the principle of loving-kindness should always apply and things should be considered in that context. I respect the fellows who pray three times a day and then get up at midnight to pray and study Torah. I am not one of them, though I have tried, and I do see the value of prayer. Prayer directs, focusses and protects. Someone who studies and prays more rigorously than I would understand and explain the preceding statement differently than I. I think Value and G-d and man come in many varieties and flavours and you can’t discount anything. I think the fellow above seems to be saying all of Creation is Good and Everything is in it’s place. We just have to find out what that means.
I am not perfect and I have many faults. God forbid I should be perfect. What would the point of life be and what fun would we have if we didn’t have something to struggle with and fix.
It is one of the precepts of Hasidic Judaism that you should be the best that you can be while being humble in all things. I understand the principle but I find the balance confusing and difficult. Doing something well makes one proud, and that includes being humble. Meaning just gets twisted up and confused and by writing it down I am trying to straighten things out.
Nevertheless, this is about “talking to G-d” because when I got up after midnight and wrote a few questions down in a notebook I was asking for answers. I didn’t find any. G-d just laughed and told me I didn’t need answers. I only needed to ask the questions in the right way.
I don’t understand what G-d is. Whether or not G-d Exists is a question of definition as well as faith. And then I guess you have to have faith in the definition. G-d Will or Will Not Exist. He Is and Is Not. If you find yourself praying/talking to G-d it may (or may not) be an issue if you don’t understand What It Is you are addressing.
The Zohar, Haya Sarah 131a, says that if we do not achieve the best we can in this world we will have no place in the world to come. The Zohar also says that if we take everything literally and don’t try to understand the metaphor we are a fool. We should analyse and question everything and find out how it relates to ourselves and others. And we and things keep changing and we will never find final answers. And this includes the stuff in the Zohar. We will never read all and we will understand very little.
When the Zohar says that if we do not achieve in this world we will have no place in the world to come we might interpret that to mean that if we work in this world we will only make true gain in the world to come. The above statement seems to deny value to this world.
I think this interpretation is wrong. I am not saying the Zohar is wrong. I am saying that if I look at the Zohar in a certain way and it goes against what I believe and other things I have read then the idea in my head may be incomplete and I should look at the metaphor in a different way.
I believe all that was, is and will be – all that exists in the material and the spiritual – is here now. The Treasures of the Kingdom – all that G-d Is – are here to be discovered now.
So, now that I have reached this point of confusion with my interpretation of the text I should, as Hillel would instruct me, apply the principle of Chesed to my reading and study some more.
And I can do nothing but laugh, you know, because as the principle of Chesed fills my heart and life I do not need to understand, because I have only a small imperfect mind, and I come closer to Joy. And G-d is just sitting behind my eyes enjoying the show.
But, despite the fact I will never understand, I will continue to study and pray. And in an hour I visit a friend, so I will continue to act.